1. If you are driving too slow.
2. If you are driving too fast.
3. If you do not choose to illegally turn left on a red arrow.
4. If you do not begin to move your car before the light turns green.
5. If you move your car before the light turns green.
6. If there is a bicyclist in the bicycle lane.
7. If you are trying to back out of a street parking space and no one is stopping for you.
8. If the person at the red light in the car next to you is wearing the same sweater your ex-husband wore at your last birthday party before the divorce where he baked mini-quiche.
9. If there are pedestrians walking too slowly while you are trying to turn right. If they are old, or have a stroller plus 7 other kids, or 1 leg, this still applies.
10. If someone pulls out in front of you, or if you pull out in front of someone. I guess it works either way.
11. If you see your best friend from high school on the street as a bum.
12. If you slow down for an animal in the road.
13. If you even look like you may be texting or talking on your cell phone.
14. If someone frowns or smiles at you.
15. If is slightly unsure of what exit to take or where to turn.
Lay off the beeps my friends, you are not an enforcer of the law, or the apparent made up laws about driving speeds or how fast people should walk. Protect the power of the beep, let it only be heard as a message of the possibility of death. Thank you.
On a related note... apparently in LA, since we are proper folk, we must only address our beloved freeways (I have a tendency to call them highways, at which I can always expect to be corrected by a 4 year old on) with the word "the" in front of it. Example: I will take THE 5 to get to Burbank. I think the fastest way to Santa Monica is on THE 405. You need to get to the airport? OK, take THE 110 to THE 105.
As someone pointed out to me, it does kind of sound kind of caveman-like after being entranced by the 'the' to not say "the" in front of them. Example: Me take 680 to get to school. To get here you take 76 then 71. So silly.
I like Liz Lemons reaction to this situation in 30 Rock... which you can view on Netflix, look for Season 5, Episode 18 (Plan B) and watch minute 8:50-9:00 ! Do it immediately, you will not regret it. While you're there watch all 5 seasons of 30 Rock because Tina Fey is a-m-a-z-i-n-g.